Questions to ask your grandparents before it is too late

There is a particular silence that follows a janazah. Somewhere in the gathering, someone says: I wish I had asked her about her childhood. I wish I knew how they met. I wish I had recorded him reciting. Nobody in the history of our families has ever regretted asking. Everyone regrets waiting.

The good news is that grandparents want to be asked. Most have simply never had anyone sit down, put a phone on the table, and say: tell me from the beginning. Here are twenty questions that open the door. Ask them over tea, one or two at a time. Record the answers, even just as a voice note.

About the world they came from

• What sounds do you remember from the street you grew up on? The adhan, the vendors, the neighbors?
• Describe the house of your childhood. Which room do you still see when you close your eyes?
• What did your mother's cooking smell like? Which dish do you still miss?
• What did Eid feel like when you were small? Walk me through the whole day.
• What did children do for fun before screens existed?

About their faith

• Who taught you to pray? Do you remember learning?
• When did you first fast a whole Ramadan?
• Is there a verse or a dua that has carried you through hard times?
• Have you stood in front of the Kaaba? What do you remember most?
• What dua do you make for us when we are not listening?

About the life they built

• If you left your birthplace, what made the family decide to go? What did you carry with you?
• What surprised you most in your first months in a new country?
• How did you meet your spouse? Tell the whole story, including the parts you usually skip.
• What do you remember about the day your first child was born?
• What sacrifice did you make that your children never noticed?

About what they know

• What do you know now that you wish you had understood at twenty-five?
• What is the happiest day you can remember?
• What would you tell a grandchild on their wedding day?
• How do you want to be remembered? Not the polite answer.
• If a great-grandchild you never meet reads this one day, what do you want to say to them?

Keeping the answers

A voice note in a group chat is a start, but phones get lost and chats scroll away. This is exactly why we are building Ketabi Memoir: one question a week for a year, sent to your parent or grandparent, answered by voice or in writing in any language, and printed at the end as a hardcover the whole family keeps. One price, one time, no subscription.